Episode 58

full
Published on:

18th Jan 2025

Are Your Friends in the Right Circle? Discovering True Connections I Part 1

Understanding the dynamics of your relationships is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being. This episode delves into the concept of relational circles, categorizing them into three distinct areas: the inner circle, the in-between circle, and the outer circle. Each circle serves a specific purpose, helping you identify who truly supports you and who might be draining your energy. Tim Pecoraro emphasizes the importance of nurturing true connections and setting healthy boundaries to protect your inner circle, which serves as the foundation for a thriving life. Join Tim as he provides actionable insights to help you evaluate your relationships and cultivate meaningful connections that align with your values.

Episode Focus: Relational Circles

Discussing Relationship Circles

Inner Circle

  • Definition: Closest, most trusted relationships
  • Attributes: True connections, challenge and support, integrity
  • Examples: Ride or die relationships
  • Misalignment: Risk of misplacing relationships in the inner circle

In Between Circle

  • Definition: Relationships that are meaningful but not as intimate as the inner circle
  • Attributes: Growing closer, shifted, provide counsel
  • Examples: Mentors, transitioning relationships, valuable counsel providers

Outer Circle

  • Definition: Casual or situational relationships
  • Attributes: Adding variety, not deeply connected
  • Examples: Sports team friends, acquaintances from work, shared community members

Avoiding Misplaced Connections

Common Mistakes:

  • Assuming close proximity equals a close relationship
  • Allowing bad or pseudo connections to take up inner circle space

Criteria for Inner Circle:

  • True connection
  • Common values and alignment

Reflect and Take Action

Action Points:

  1. Identify who is truly in your inner circle
  2. Evaluate the position of in-between circle relationships
  3. Ensure healthy boundaries with outer circle relationships

Conclusion

  • Emphasis on the value of relationships
  • Call to action to evaluate and nurture relationships
  • Closing remarks and thanks to the audience

Takeaways:

  • Understanding your inner, in-between, and outer circles is essential for meaningful relationships.
  • Your inner circle comprises trusted individuals who genuinely support and challenge you.
  • In-between relationships can shift; assess whether they’re moving closer or further away.
  • Outer circle connections add variety but should not be relied upon for deep support.
  • Establishing healthy boundaries with your outer circle prevents emotional burnout and distraction.
  • Regularly evaluate your relationships to ensure they align with your personal values.

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Transcript
Tim Pecoraro:

Foreign.

Tim Pecoraro:

Welcome to the Uphill Community Podcast.

Tim Pecoraro:

Your source of inspiration to gain clarity, elevate your standards and embrace your call to more.

Tim Pecoraro:

Together we choose the uphil climb.

Tim Pecoraro:

Pursuing the hard best over the easy good.

Tim Pecoraro:

And discovering the extraordinary life waiting to be lived and most importantly, lived in community.

Tim Pecoraro:

So welcome to the show.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm your host and friend Tim, and I'm so glad that you're joining me today as we are actually in the revamped this title content is very similar, but just the this podcast, formerly Blank Pages, which I'll tell you more about Blank Pages, which is the publishing in Media Group, which is my company that puts out the podcast and other things like that.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I have to tell you about all that later on.

Tim Pecoraro:

But anyways, today I am so pumped up because I am actually, you see, I'm wearing my Notre Dame cap if you're watching on video, because Notre Dame is playing for the national championship against the Ohio State Buckeyes.

Tim Pecoraro:

And I hope they can pull it off.

Tim Pecoraro:

Ohio State is a beast of a team.

Tim Pecoraro:

the national championship in:

Tim Pecoraro:

Boy, man, he ran over them like they were little guys.

Tim Pecoraro:

Like little people.

Tim Pecoraro:

So, yeah.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I'm hoping it'll be different this year.

Tim Pecoraro:

And shout out to Marcus Freeman, Coach Freeman, let's do this.

Tim Pecoraro:

And team, come on.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm so glad that we had that change and we have a great coach.

Tim Pecoraro:

So, um, today's episode, I'm looking forward to it because it's building on what I'm doing in the community, the uphill community, which is always open for those who are looking to join something.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you are trying to.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you're a person that's saying, look, I want more out of life, I am looking to.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm just trying to grow.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to develop.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to go to the next level in my life.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to be stronger in the things that I'm doing.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to improve on, I don't know, any number of things.

Tim Pecoraro:

But if.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you want to elevate your career, your community, your life, if you're trying to go to that next level, if you want to think, learn long term, if you want to navigate your challenges with clarity and you want to be able to just, you know, do that with the right people, that's what the uphill community does.

Tim Pecoraro:

I can help you.

Tim Pecoraro:

We can help you do that.

Tim Pecoraro:

So it's real simple.

Tim Pecoraro:

Go to a browser on your phone or on your computer or your tablet and type in the uphill community and it's not too late to jump in and join in.

Tim Pecoraro:

So it's a growing community and we, we do weekly office hours.

Tim Pecoraro:

There's a theme that every month where we just put out or I put out what's happening and then there's an app to communicate with everybody.

Tim Pecoraro:

Everything happens within one app, which is you're not jumping around in all these other Facebook pages and all this other stuff, just one app.

Tim Pecoraro:

Everything's there.

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The replays, livestream, everything happens there.

Tim Pecoraro:

Any kind of curricular course stuff, the chatting with the community all happens inside the app.

Tim Pecoraro:

So would love it.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you want to check it out, you're welcome to.

Tim Pecoraro:

We do a little questionnaire to see if it's a good fit and if it's a good fit, come on in, be a part of it with us and grow with us.

Tim Pecoraro:

So anyways, that is something that you can check out and I'm so happy about it.

Tim Pecoraro:

But the podcast that I'm doing today, I just feel it's so important that this topic is what we're doing in the community.

Tim Pecoraro:

But it's also something I believe I want to put out into the regular world.

Tim Pecoraro:

So what you'll notice is if you are in the community, those who are listening, who are my community members or part of the uphill community, they're going to go, oh yeah, we're talking about this.

Tim Pecoraro:

So there's a different version of what we're talking about.

Tim Pecoraro:

This is me kind of giving you an overview, but it's real relevant and why not just talk about the stuff that you're talking about?

Tim Pecoraro:

I don't need to come up with new things all the time.

Tim Pecoraro:

I mean, I like doing the deep work.

Tim Pecoraro:

So that's what I'm doing.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm in this vein.

Tim Pecoraro:

And, and if you're lost, don't worry about it.

Tim Pecoraro:

The topic will make sense when I talk to you about it.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, but if you want to do more than just this podcast and listen and you really want to grow and do what I was talking about, you really want to refine, get some clarity, raise standards, embrace your call to and for more the uphill dot community, that's what you have to do.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you want to follow me, you can follow me on LinkedIn.

Tim Pecoraro:

Just Tim Pecoraro, that's T I M P E C O R A or on Instagram.

Tim Pecoraro:

The Instagram, you can go and find me at Tim Pecoraro, go to my bio link.

Tim Pecoraro:

You can find all the things that I have Going on, join the newsletter that I have, or you can find the community there as well.

Tim Pecoraro:

So, yeah, and of course, Monday.

Tim Pecoraro:

Monday.

Tim Pecoraro:

Monday is coming and I can't wait for the national championship.

Tim Pecoraro:

And again, I am on fire for Notre Dame and I want them to win.

Tim Pecoraro:

So today's topic.

Tim Pecoraro:

So what I've been talking about in the community is this whole thing, and there's a great book by Dr.

Tim Pecoraro:

Henry Cloud.

Tim Pecoraro:

I recommend anyone read it.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's the Four Corners.

Tim Pecoraro:

So it's about people and Four Corners and Four Corner relationships.

Tim Pecoraro:

And you have bad connection or you have no connection, Bad connection, pseudo connections and true connections.

Tim Pecoraro:

These are basically the overview of these four corners.

Tim Pecoraro:

But I also believe in these circles, right?

Tim Pecoraro:

You have an inner circle, and then I have what I believe is the in between circle, and then you have the outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to talk to you a little bit loosely with the reference of the four corners, but around those circles and just why they're so important.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay?

Tim Pecoraro:

So I just want to get into this topic that I believe will help you as you're navigating life.

Tim Pecoraro:

So you're at the beginning of the year.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's not even the middle of January.

Tim Pecoraro:

Well, we're just past the middle of January.

Tim Pecoraro:

But a lot of people have already given up on things.

Tim Pecoraro:

A lot of people are wondering what tomorrow looks like.

Tim Pecoraro:

A lot of people are just hoping for the spring and the summer, believing for some new fire and relationship or life to come.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're waiting for magic to come.

Tim Pecoraro:

Well, for me, I'm.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm sitting here and I'm going, so it's the wintertime and things are dormant.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then when the spring comes, everything that I've planted prior should come out.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's the.

Tim Pecoraro:

Where my mind is.

Tim Pecoraro:

So the people that are working with me in the community that I'm in, I'm getting them ready to obviously be ready to receive.

Tim Pecoraro:

But it's also their planting.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're getting their stuff ready, ready, their seeds ready, that they're going to be planting throughout the year.

Tim Pecoraro:

So when they go through the blossoming and the budding of what's coming out, they're going to go through that wonderful time.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're going to go through the.

Tim Pecoraro:

The floral and the sunshine of summer and the joy and the laughter.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then as they move out of that into the autumn, into harvesting, and then they go into that dormant stage, that's where things rest.

Tim Pecoraro:

You reset and ready to do it all over again.

Tim Pecoraro:

Right?

Tim Pecoraro:

So there's these seasons and relationships are like that.

Tim Pecoraro:

And so I've written down just to keep myself disciplined.

Tim Pecoraro:

I've got, I've got so many different notes that I try to help myself really follow because I get so excited and obviously when I do more of a keynote and things like that, it's, you know, you get very disciplined.

Tim Pecoraro:

You have this little window.

Tim Pecoraro:

But on this, I love this because it's conversational, it's just talking.

Tim Pecoraro:

And what I want is for you to have.

Tim Pecoraro:

I don't want to be a barrier because I'm so excited, but I'm going to give you the point points, I'm going to give you all this stuff, but I also want that freedom to, to just be real and, and sometimes things will just pop up as I'm talking about them or they come out and even though I've written it down, just, I love leaving room for some interpretation or some new revelation while I'm talking.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so this topic, this for me is foundational.

Tim Pecoraro:

This topic is foundational for any kind of relationship area of your life.

Tim Pecoraro:

So it's, it's not just any relationship though, it's any type, but not just any relationship.

Tim Pecoraro:

So the ones that I'm talking about are the ones that will shape our well being and our growth and our success.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so that's, that to me is different.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's the well being, the growth and the relationship that I want.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to know what are the areas of my life that I can succeed in and where I can truly grow and truly see success in my life.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's what I'm ultimately looking for.

Tim Pecoraro:

What are those areas?

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So how can I grow?

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Who can I grow with?

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What?

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What can make a relationship better?

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What can make it more successful?

Tim Pecoraro:

Like these are the questions that I always want to know.

Tim Pecoraro:

So have you ever felt overwhelmed though by the people around you?

Tim Pecoraro:

Have you ever felt that?

Tim Pecoraro:

Have you ever felt, you know, unsure of, of who to lean on or, or where to invest your time and your energy?

Tim Pecoraro:

So that's where understanding your relation relational circles are going to come in.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so today what I want to do is I'm going to explore how to categorize these relationships.

Tim Pecoraro:

And that's basically what I'm doing.

Tim Pecoraro:

So there's the inner circle, it's the in between circle and then the outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And why this understanding is crucial for living a fulfilling life.

Tim Pecoraro:

So this concept that again what I'm doing is I'm, I'm, I'm building from the Four Corners framework of Dr.

Tim Pecoraro:

Henry Cloud's book, which I told you, I think is great for you to read, but it also helps us to identify whether our relationships support us or they're holding us back.

Tim Pecoraro:

Right.

Tim Pecoraro:

So let me see if I can get my screen here to cooperate.

Tim Pecoraro:

I have a couple of items here.

Tim Pecoraro:

Let's see.

Tim Pecoraro:

There we go.

Tim Pecoraro:

All right, so let's go over part one.

Tim Pecoraro:

All right, I'm going to get started.

Tim Pecoraro:

So here's part one.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's the overview of these circles.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I'm going to give you a simple, what are each one?

Tim Pecoraro:

Or how am I seeing them?

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And how would I like for you to look at them?

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All right, so here's the big picture.

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This.

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I want you to think of these relationships of falling into the inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Then there's the in between.

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So you have the center circle, and then you have this in between the inner and outer is the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then there'd be the outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

So you have one circle and then you'd have this other circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And in the middle, like the white wall tire, almost a tire, where the wall of the tire is, that's the inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so.

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Or the.

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Sorry, the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

So let's talk about the inner circle first.

Tim Pecoraro:

This is where your closest, most trusted relationships live.

Tim Pecoraro:

These are the people you can rely on no matter what.

Tim Pecoraro:

I know people say they're the ride or dies, right?

Tim Pecoraro:

I agree with ride or die.

Tim Pecoraro:

I've had a lot of people say, hey, I'm a ride or die, and I'm with you, and.

Tim Pecoraro:

And when it came time to ride and or die, they weren't even available.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay.

Tim Pecoraro:

So many people can say things.

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Just because they say that they will.

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Will go along doesn't mean they're going to come along and they're not going to be there with you.

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So you find those types of things out.

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Now, it's just.

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Remember now, it's not that they may not want to.

Tim Pecoraro:

You got to make sure you put things in proper context.

Tim Pecoraro:

Some people may not be coming along with them because maybe you've taken advantage of them, you've hurt them, you've done some things.

Tim Pecoraro:

They can't count on you.

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They can't trust you.

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I mean, who knows what all the reason is?

Tim Pecoraro:

But you can't just say that.

Tim Pecoraro:

Well, because they didn't go my way.

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They weren't inner circle people.

Tim Pecoraro:

Right.

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Remember, I just want to get clarity.

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Let's focus on you and the people that you're seeing that you're calling inner circle.

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All right?

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These are the people you can rely on no matter what.

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All right, Second area, or the circle is the in between circle.

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So these are the relationships that are meaningful.

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You ready?

Tim Pecoraro:

But they're not as intimate.

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So these are, to me, the relationships that are, that are developing.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're either they.

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They've shifted over time, right?

Tim Pecoraro:

Maybe.

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So maybe they were inner circle and they've shifted to in between, or they were outer and they're coming into the in between.

Tim Pecoraro:

So that's what you're doing.

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You're.

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They're still developing.

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Are they developing in or are they developing out?

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And then the third is the outer circle.

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So this is the space for those casual connections.

Tim Pecoraro:

People you might enjoy, people you enjoy, but you don't have a deep emotional bond with them.

Tim Pecoraro:

You're not really connected down that low.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so why does that matter?

Tim Pecoraro:

Let me tell you why.

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Because not all relationships are created equal.

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All right?

Tim Pecoraro:

I just, I have to stress this.

Tim Pecoraro:

And when we fail to organize or prioritize those relationships, we're going to risk burnout, we're going to risk feeling unsupported, we're going to risk being disconnected.

Tim Pecoraro:

Because true connection, the type that we find, like what I'm talking about in the four corners.

Tim Pecoraro:

Remember, there's no connection, bad connection, pseudo connection, true connection.

Tim Pecoraro:

A true.

Tim Pecoraro:

A four corner, four person in a corner, four relationship is a true connection relationship.

Tim Pecoraro:

So true connection is what I'm looking for.

Tim Pecoraro:

And that's the type we find in the corner four relationships.

Tim Pecoraro:

But it's rare.

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It's very rare.

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But it's absolutely essential for an inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Let me take a sip of my tea.

Tim Pecoraro:

I am drinking a lavender tea today, and I think it's got.

Tim Pecoraro:

And with some immunity in it.

Tim Pecoraro:

Ah, so good, so good, so good.

Tim Pecoraro:

So let's go a little further into the inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

All right, so we're going to talk now.

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We did the.

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The inner circle, the in between circle, the outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

So now what we want to do is we're going to dive into the inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And, and to me, which is the sacred circles, okay?

Tim Pecoraro:

It's the sacred of circles.

Tim Pecoraro:

So these are the people that you let into your innermost world, okay?

Tim Pecoraro:

They are your corner four connections, your true connections.

Tim Pecoraro:

And they challenge you, they support you, and they see you at your truest self.

Tim Pecoraro:

And here's how you can recognize them.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I'm going to give you three things that help you know that you have a true inner circle person.

Tim Pecoraro:

They listen, and they sit with you in your struggles.

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So when life gets hard, these people show up.

Tim Pecoraro:

And not just Listen, but they stand by your side and they help you through the thing.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, here's another attribute or quality of this person.

Tim Pecoraro:

They hold you accountable and they challenge you to grow.

Tim Pecoraro:

So your inner circle relationships push you and you become better without.

Tim Pecoraro:

And they do that without tearing you down, though they make you better, they don't tear you down.

Tim Pecoraro:

Another attribute that the inner circle connection has is they embody values that you admire.

Tim Pecoraro:

So these people, they have integrity, okay, that's like a big deal.

Tim Pecoraro:

Like if I don't know how much integrity matters to you, but they have integrity, high standards, and they're, they're responsible, they're faithful, they're honest.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's inner circle.

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But here's the catch.

Tim Pecoraro:

Not everyone belongs in your inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

There's the surface level relationships.

Tim Pecoraro:

There are people who will drain your energy, or those who don't align with your values, they should not take up that precious space.

Tim Pecoraro:

So protecting your inner circle is essential for your emotional and mental well being.

Tim Pecoraro:

If you're listening, I hope you say to myself, oh my gosh, I want inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Hope you're thinking about who are those inner circle people?

Tim Pecoraro:

And if you've got people in the inner circle, should they be in the inner circle?

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so now let's talk about the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

The in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

These are the relationships that are closer than casual, but not quite inner circle material.

Tim Pecoraro:

They may be in transition or they may still be developing.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, so, so here's what to consider with the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Some relationships, okay, are growing closer.

Tim Pecoraro:

So for example, that's, here's an attribute.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's growing closer.

Tim Pecoraro:

Some of these relationships, they're getting closer.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's like a mentor or friend that you're building trust with.

Tim Pecoraro:

You're building trust, not making them earn it.

Tim Pecoraro:

You're building trust together and you're, you're hoping that it's going to move toward an inner circle relationship over time.

Tim Pecoraro:

You're doing it with that in mind.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm working to build trust to move this toward inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Then you have the relationships that have shifted in the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

Maybe someone who was once in your inner circle, right, has taken a step back due to some distance that's been created or some life changes, or something's happened, but it's distant, something has happened, there's a change.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then in there, there's the relationships that provide valuable counsel inside the in between circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

So these are the people who occasionally share meaningful insights or support, but they're not a part of your everyday life.

Tim Pecoraro:

So they're giving insights, they support, but they're not a part of the everyday.

Tim Pecoraro:

So the key here, though, in the in between circle, is discernment.

Tim Pecoraro:

And here's what you need to, you need to focus on.

Tim Pecoraro:

Are these relationships moving closer to your inner circle or are they naturally transitioning to the outer circle?

Tim Pecoraro:

Either way, clarity about their role is important because they're in the middle there.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're in the middle.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I would rather know what's on the inner in the outer.

Tim Pecoraro:

Right.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's what I want to really, really know.

Tim Pecoraro:

And what's in the middle I want to pay attention to so that I can see where they're going.

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So I try not to have a whole lot of people in the in between circle.

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I like to know that they're either inner or outer.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay, all right, outer circle.

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We're almost there.

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Friends.

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Lastly, let's talk about the outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

All right, so the outer circle, these are your casual or situation relationship.

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Situational relationships.

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They're people you enjoy spending time with, but you aren't deeply connected to them.

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So here's some examples to include.

Tim Pecoraro:

All right, so say you play softball with some sort of league.

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You're an adult, you play, you have work, companies have softball teams.

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So friends from a sports team or a hobby, right?

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Or a hobby group, maybe you have, you throw darts.

Tim Pecoraro:

I have a friend that lives in Charleston.

Tim Pecoraro:

They throw darts.

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She's very, very good.

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Competitive dart thrower.

Tim Pecoraro:

I just found out, by the way, a little side bar.

Tim Pecoraro:

So there's soft darts and then hard tip darts.

Tim Pecoraro:

And I didn't even know that.

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So I, I mean, there's a whole world of things I just don't know about.

Tim Pecoraro:

But I thought that was really cool hearing that information.

Tim Pecoraro:

So then there's acquaintances.

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So you got friends on sports teams, hobby groups.

Tim Pecoraro:

Then you have acquaintances from work or some social events.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then you also have members of a shared community, like church, right?

Tim Pecoraro:

They're in your shared community.

Tim Pecoraro:

You go to church, you see them, they're there.

Tim Pecoraro:

Or fraternity.

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Think about that college, Maybe it's a fraternity.

Tim Pecoraro:

Maybe you've graduated colleges, people you've known for years.

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And it's a fraternity.

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It's connection.

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So here's the thing.

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Those are really good connections.

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And these connections, they're valuable because they add variety, right?

Tim Pecoraro:

They add variety in a sense of community to your life.

Tim Pecoraro:

Here's the big however, they're not the people you turn to during life's deepest challenges.

Tim Pecoraro:

And it's important to appreciate these relationships for what they are without over relying on them for your emotional support and accountability.

Tim Pecoraro:

And here's what I see.

Tim Pecoraro:

Too many times, there are too many times that people have deep inner circle relationship needs and they're out in the outer circles of life doing social events and activities and they're hurting themselves.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're getting hurt or they're wondering why they're not getting anything deeper than the surface in relationship.

Tim Pecoraro:

It's because they are put in the wrong spots, they're in the wrong place.

Tim Pecoraro:

Look, I see people at church all the time doing Bible studies and all these things.

Tim Pecoraro:

They come in, they sing all this stuff.

Tim Pecoraro:

But would you go confess your sin to some of these people that you're supposedly sitting with?

Tim Pecoraro:

What about these people that.

Tim Pecoraro:

I mean, just in life in general, you're going through a hard time.

Tim Pecoraro:

You got to tell something about something very difficult.

Tim Pecoraro:

Who are the people that will stand with you, hold that and not make noise over it and make trouble over it, and won't abandon you because of whatever you're dealing with or what you're going through?

Tim Pecoraro:

That's important to find.

Tim Pecoraro:

And again, you can't just dump that on anybody.

Tim Pecoraro:

And it's important for you to recognize it.

Tim Pecoraro:

I know a lot of people who literally think they have very, very close relationships.

Tim Pecoraro:

And as soon as they reveal the ugly thing about themselves or something that's going on, it's amazing how people backpedal or they're always there for so many other people.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're always there to be the inner circle for someone else, but they can't find the inner circle back to them.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's hard.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's real, though.

Tim Pecoraro:

But the more you start understanding this for yourself, the inner, the in between and the outer, it does something inside of you because you begin to attract what you are.

Tim Pecoraro:

And if you feel out of place in an outer circle situation in all these social events, and you're one of those who wants real, meaningful connection.

Tim Pecoraro:

You don't need to judge everybody in the outer circle because that's where they are and they can't help it.

Tim Pecoraro:

Not everybody's meant to be in the inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

But instead what you want to do is, in those conversations that you're having, test the water a little bit with an outer circle thing.

Tim Pecoraro:

Put something out there that gets a little bit more meaningful.

Tim Pecoraro:

I mean, beyond politics, you know, ask questions like, hey, what, you know, what quickens you?

Tim Pecoraro:

What gets you so energized?

Tim Pecoraro:

What is something that would get you to, I don't know, make major life changes over.

Tim Pecoraro:

So in a social context, you'll find out based on that answer.

Tim Pecoraro:

If, if you are, if there's someone that you enjoy talking to and you kind of deepen the conversation with a more weighty question, you'll hear an answer and a response.

Tim Pecoraro:

And based on that response, it can help you know what's going on there without you putting yourself at risk or sitting there feeling like nobody here can get below the surface.

Tim Pecoraro:

Right.

Tim Pecoraro:

So you want to know how to do that.

Tim Pecoraro:

So some of you might be going, I'm at ground zero.

Tim Pecoraro:

I got to start from scratch.

Tim Pecoraro:

I don't have anyone in my life.

Tim Pecoraro:

I'm hoping you'll listen to this so that at least you can have some criteria of understanding what it is that you're looking for.

Tim Pecoraro:

Now, here's what I want you to avoid, though.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want you to avoid missed, placed, or misplaced connections.

Tim Pecoraro:

So before I wrap up, here's what I mean by here's some common mistakes, misplacing relationships in your circles.

Tim Pecoraro:

And here's what I mean.

Tim Pecoraro:

Just because someone shares close space with you, like a teammate, coworker, a fellow church member, it doesn't mean that they are a corner for connection or a true connection and that they belong in your inner circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

You may be aligned on your beliefs, but it doesn't mean that you're going to be at that depth of level to align in that personal connection.

Tim Pecoraro:

And here's the other thing.

Tim Pecoraro:

When you allow corner two people, which are like bad connection and three connections, corner two and three are your bad connections, and pseudo connections are sort of there.

Tim Pecoraro:

Those people are going to drain and distract you and they're going to take up your inner circle energy and space, and it can be very harmful.

Tim Pecoraro:

So you've got to look at what types of relationships are in you.

Tim Pecoraro:

So if you have no connection at all, those people should not be in your world.

Tim Pecoraro:

If it's a bad connection or a pseudo connection, you need to figure out where that relationship is in the in between circle and decide whether to move it in or move it out.

Tim Pecoraro:

Okay.

Tim Pecoraro:

Because not everyone qualifies for the level of closeness that you need.

Tim Pecoraro:

Now, you may want to be close to everyone you know, but not everyone qualifies.

Tim Pecoraro:

I caution you to be careful.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I'm hoping that you have a better understanding of these circles, inner circle, in between circle and outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And with that, I want you to reflect and take some action.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I'm going to give you some action points to do here.

Tim Pecoraro:

Here are three things.

Tim Pecoraro:

Number one, I want you to ask yourself, who is in my inner circle and do they Meet the criteria of a true connection or the what I believe is true connection.

Tim Pecoraro:

You need to understand, set that criteria.

Tim Pecoraro:

Figure it out.

Tim Pecoraro:

What does it mean?

Tim Pecoraro:

Does that mean they're good communicators?

Tim Pecoraro:

They communicate at a heart level.

Tim Pecoraro:

They're honest.

Tim Pecoraro:

Like, think about your core values.

Tim Pecoraro:

What is it that you need from that person in that relationship?

Tim Pecoraro:

And will they be there for you as you are there for them?

Tim Pecoraro:

And it's okay to not.

Tim Pecoraro:

Don't assume those things you have.

Tim Pecoraro:

If they're really an inner circle person, you'll be able to have that conversation.

Tim Pecoraro:

The next question I want you to be able to ask yourself is, are there people in my in between circle who could move closer?

Tim Pecoraro:

Or are there people in my in between circle that need to move further away?

Tim Pecoraro:

And that's a big one.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I mean, sit down.

Tim Pecoraro:

I mean, literally draw three circles, a center circle, and then draw a big outer circle.

Tim Pecoraro:

And in between the inner circle and then the outer circle, that's the in between.

Tim Pecoraro:

What's in the middle and then on the outside, that's your outer.

Tim Pecoraro:

Then you have the in between and then you have the inner.

Tim Pecoraro:

And then here's the last question I want you to ask yourself.

Tim Pecoraro:

Am I appreciating and maintaining healthy boundaries with my outer circle?

Tim Pecoraro:

That's a big question.

Tim Pecoraro:

Something you should always ask yourself.

Tim Pecoraro:

Am I appreciating and maintaining healthy boundaries with my outer circle?

Tim Pecoraro:

So as we wrap up, I want you to keep this in mind.

Tim Pecoraro:

Remember, your relationships are one of the greatest resources that you could ever have to me in my life.

Tim Pecoraro:

The way I view it is, and this is, as a believer, that God sent his son and Jesus Christ died on the cross for everybody.

Tim Pecoraro:

And he has given.

Tim Pecoraro:

If he's willing to pay with his life for everybody, that must mean that is the most valuable and precious resource that he has.

Tim Pecoraro:

And he's leaving that with us.

Tim Pecoraro:

So let's take care of that.

Tim Pecoraro:

Let's be better with it.

Tim Pecoraro:

That's the greatest resource.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I want you to take some time to evaluate where people fit in your life.

Tim Pecoraro:

And I want you to commit to nurturing true connections.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want you to protect your inner circle because it's the foundation for your thriving life.

Tim Pecoraro:

Ah, man, I love it.

Tim Pecoraro:

This stuff means so much to me.

Tim Pecoraro:

I want to thank you for spending time with me today having this conversation.

Tim Pecoraro:

And if you found this information helpful, hey, share it with someone else who could benefit from reevaluating their relationship.

Tim Pecoraro:

Even sit with the relationships that you have and walk them through the inner, the in between and the outer.

Tim Pecoraro:

Talk about that.

Tim Pecoraro:

Work on it together.

Tim Pecoraro:

Because true connection is rare.

Tim Pecoraro:

So I want you to cultivate it with care and intention.

Tim Pecoraro:

So until next time.

Tim Pecoraro:

We'll talk soon.

Show artwork for The Uphill Community Podcast

About the Podcast

The Uphill Community Podcast
Choosing to live and do the Hard-Best
The Uphill Podcast
By Tim Pecoraro

Climbing toward your potential isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. The Uphill Podcast is your companion on the journey of growth, leadership, and turning dreams into reality. Inspired by The Uphill Community (TUC), each episode dives into actionable insights, powerful conversations, and transformative strategies to help entrepreneurs, leaders, and dreamers move forward.

Join Tim Pecoraro and guests as they explore what it takes to choose the hard best over the easy good. If you value connection, accountability, and personal growth, this podcast will challenge and inspire you to keep climbing—one step at a time.

Ready to unlock your potential? Subscribe now, and let’s move forward together!

About your host

Profile picture for Tim Pecoraro

Tim Pecoraro

I am Tim Pecoraro, a passionate advocate for personal and professional growth, driven by the belief that everyone has immense potential. My life's mission is to help people become their best selves in every aspect of their lives, regardless of context or role.

As a leader, communicator, and artist, I focus on fostering authenticity and integrity. I am convinced that lasting success comes from being true to oneself and consistently demonstrating resilience and authenticity.

I engage audiences with insightful speeches, transformative coaching sessions, and impactful training programs. My approach blends sharp observations, vivid storytelling, and practical methods to inspire comprehensive personal transformation.

For over twenty years, I have advised various sectors, coaching teams, and leaders in industries such as Government, Healthcare, Manufacturing, Non-Profit, Real Estate, Construction, Engineering, and Entrepreneurship, as well as amateur and professional athletes, artists, and musicians. My customized strategies are designed to align with organizational goals while bringing out the best in each individual.

In addition to coaching, I have founded and led three successful businesses in South Carolina's Upstate, each promoting a culture that encourages individuals to achieve their fullest potential, personally and professionally.

My journey as a Certified Coach with the John Maxwell Team, under the mentorship of my role model, John Maxwell, showcases my deep commitment to unlocking the greatness within others. I aim to empower everyone to be authentic, consistently impacting the world.