From Connections to Contributions: How Relationships Shape Our Lives

Tim Pecoraro: 00:00:00

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:00:20

Welcome to the uphill community podcast, your source of inspiration to gain clarity, elevate your standards, and embrace your call to more. Together, we choose the uphill climb, pursuing the hard best over the easy good, and discovering the extraordinary life waiting to be lived all in community. Welcome to the show. I'm so glad you're with me here today. I'm excited about wrapping up. This is part 3 of, what I've been doing around relationship. It's a relationship series around building inner circle, in between, and outer circle, but it's it's all those areas, of life. So thank you for joining, and I'm so glad, again, that you're here with me.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:08

And if you would, I would love it if you would rate and review the show, if you follow the show. So if you're on Instagram, whatever you're listening to, sorry, whatever you're listening to right now, you're on Amazon Podcast, you're on Spotify Podcast, you're on, Apple let's see. Apple's Apple Podcast, Substack, Audible, Odysee, anywhere that you listen to podcasts, you can follow this show. So wherever you're listening right now, click follow. And, also, if there's a way for you to put a star there, a couple stars, hopefully 5, and give a review. Share the show with other people. I'd appreciate it. This is a show that I just try to add value to your life, give you some shelf life, and, really, give you some fuel for your journey.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:01:48

And, this podcast, which was formerly the Blank Pages podcast, Blank Pages, which I told you eventually I'll be getting, back to telling you a little bit about what that is. It's my publication publication company, Blank Pages Publications and Media. It's what produces, other different media, or mediums, so music and people who are recording, but it also does publications, books, magazines, things like that. So I'm getting that off the ground, something I've been wanting to do for a while, and it's what I am doing. And I'm pretty excited about it, and it's pretty cool to, to do. So, man, so much has been going on in the world. Obviously, we have been at warp speed with political transitions. Right? So whatever whichever side of the aisle you are on, I'm just in this aisle.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:02:39

I'm in the middle. I'm in the building. I'm just like all of you guys, and a lot's going on, a lot of activity. And so with that, you know, I think it's important as we we see certain things that are going on in the world around us. And and if you're in the United States, yeah, there's a lot happening in, in our government, a lot going on in the world, and and, a lot of fast paced stuff. But here's what I've realized and come to realize is that whatever goes on in your life, whether it's fast or slow, you know, you still need people. People are your are your best and greatest resource. And that's why I'm doing again, and I always seem to come back to relationships.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:17

But I'm talking more about relationships because, I mean, really, we can't really do anything without anyone else. You you've got to have people in your life. Now you can say, well, I do everything on my own. I'm great by myself. Yay, you. That's awesome. But if you're in a if you run a business, you gotta sell something. Right? If if, you know and so you need people.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:39

You gotta make things. You need people. If you wanna play a game, you need people. You can play it by yourself. You can play computers. I know some people say, I just wanna do everything by myself. You could do that. But for the most part, most people in life, you gotta have people.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:03:53

And, and so that's why this is so important to me to revisit and to, to drill into a little further, and that's why I'm doing this third part. And, also, hey. Don't forget. You can go and follow me on Instagram at Tim Pecoraro and go into my bio link, and you can follow, me in many ways there. There's a newsletter in there, and you can also check out the uphill community. And that's a simple place to go. So in there, there's a link to go check out the uphill community, which is, where I help people to grow, to gain clarity, raise their standards, and embrace their call to and for more. And, it's great.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:27

I love it. I like seeing people make a difference and change in their lives. So if that's you and you're looking for that, you can go to Instagram, find me there on the bio. In, and underneath the bio, you can find the community there as well as some other goodies, or you can go directly to the website. It's the uphill.community. Real simple. Theuphill.community. And you can also find me on LinkedIn, just my name, Tim Pecoraro.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:04:58

So, let's get into this. So what I've been doing, for the past, this is part 3, of this relationship stuff that I've been doing. And the first, episode here was around relational circles, the power of relational circles. There's the inner circle. There's the in between circle and the outer circle. The inner inner circle is this is where your closest, most trusted relationships live. These are the people you can rely on no matter what. Then we talked about the in between circle, and these are relationships that are meaningful but not intimate.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:05:34

And they're still developing, or they've shifted over time. And then there's the 3rd, which is the outer circle. And this is the space for casual connections. People, enjoy or people that you enjoy, but you don't have, a deep bond or connection to them. Alright? And, they can move in. So they're on the outside. They can move in, or they just stay out there. In between, they can move into the inner, or they can move to the outer.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:03

And then inner circle people, typically, you keep them, right, hopefully, but time can happen, things can change. And I encourage you to listen to the episode because inner circle could become an in between or an outer. Okay? So part 2, I went from there to the seasons, which was one of my favorites, and I've I've had several conversations about this since I released this episode. But it's the 4 seasons of relationship. Right? Not the rest not the, hotel, 4 seasons. It's the 4 seasons of relationship. So you have spring, which is your season of growth. You have your summer, the season of flourishing, and the autumn, the season of transition, and the winter, which is the season of rest.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:06:43

And so what I really wanted to do is to help people understand that every season has a purpose, and every connection brings something valuable into your life. And so my hope is that people would recognize that, and they would never ever, just diminish the seasons that relationships go through. They all go through difficult things, every relationship, especially relationships if they're worth it. They're gonna go through hard stuff. So today's episode, and this is somewhere around, I'm I'm not sure what the title will be, but, loosely, right now, it's from connection to contribution, basically. It's how relationships can shape your purpose. And this is something that I realize is that I can have and I and I walk through the book, and I need to correct that too, by the way. Doctor Henry Cloud's book, and I mentioned 4 corners.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:07:45

It's not. It's the power of the others. And so in that book, there's the 4 corners. And you can have corner 1 is a there's no connection, corner 2 is bad connection, corner 3 is a pseudo connection, and corner 4 is true connection. And one of the things that I really try to pay attention to, it's those relationships. Where are they? What corner are they in? And then is that in between? Is it a inner, in between, or outer circle? Right? I have relationships there. But then these four corners, where are they in these corners? And I think it's very important for us to know no connection, bad connection, pseudo connection, and true connection. Is it real? And you put those benchmarks or markers on those relationships to figure out where they are.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:08:36

Do you wanna tag them? You wanna know. You wanna do you wanna audit your relationships. It's very important to do. So today, I wanna talk about it's just transformative to me. It's it's how our relationships shape our purpose. And the people we surround ourselves with, they don't just influence our actions, but they can shape the trajectory of our lives, where our lives are gonna go ultimately. So we're gonna explore how meaningful connections can help us move from self focus. Right? Because that's once again, if you wanna be solo, you're self focused.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:13

If you you really wanna do everything on your own, that's a self focused life. I don't want that. I'd I feel life is better in community. I believe life change happens best in small groups. So I believe when we get into true relationships with other people, the trajectory of our lives can change for the better in a good way. It can if they're good, true connection relationships, but they also can go in the wrong direction. So we're gonna explore how meaningful connections can help us move from self focus to contribution. K? That's what we're doing.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:09:48

And we're gonna amplify our purpose and impact. That's what we wanna do. How we do that, moving from self to contribution and amplifying our impact by doing so. So the main just the main body of this conversation, the main or the bulk of this conversation is is just it's the ripple effect of the relationship. So I want you to think about how every relationship can create a ripple effect in your life. Your closest connections. Right? Even relationships in the outer can create ripple effects. I have things around me right now that that and it's just part of the work that has to be done in me, and relationships can you need to do some recovery.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:10:30

And I know a lot of people could say, well, you just walk away if a relationship's not serving you. Well, you can walk away from anything if a relationship's not serving you, but I always believe there's a root cause to a lot of things. And sometimes those difficult people are there, and they're there to be like sandpaper and to rub you and to get you to change. I believe in a higher purpose and a higher calling of life. I believe that a lot of times, we're in situations, and those situations are there to refine us. It's a process for us to get better. And so inner circle, in between, and outer can create ripples in your life. Every relationship can do that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:07

Every relationship in your life can create ripples, some bigger, some stronger. Your closest connections are going to you ready? And this is what I wanna focus on. It's those closest ones that you really need to pay attention to because those close relationships are gonna impact your mindset, your habits, and even your sense of possibility, what you think can be done. So as an example, your inner circle, if it's full of people who are striving for growth and excellence, you're more likely to, adopt those same values, and those are going to add to the quality of your life. You have to think about those people that are around you. Jim Rohn said in a quote, you're the average or you're the average of the 5 people you spend the most of your time with. So think about who you talk to the most. Think about that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:11:59

You're becoming more like those people. Now you might go, well, Tim, they're good people, so that's great. Listen, if you think good is good enough, that's great, but there's a lot of people that are very good. It doesn't mean it's necessary to be in my life. I may have some good qualities, but it doesn't mean that I'm the best fit for somebody's life. What you need to do, what I need to do, what we should be doing as human beings is to really be thinking about who we are, how we show up, what kind of future are we looking for, and who are the people that are gonna be in our life because those people in those relationships will shape our future. Most people will just be comfortable and they're gonna be careful in their comfort, And they're not really thinking about where they wanna go other than I want a good family, healthy kids, I wanna be debt free. Like, those are all really, really good goals.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:12:47

I mean, they're really, really good. But just to have good kids, it's gonna require something. Good kids require honest conversations. Good kids require tremendous transparency. Good kids mean you have to let go of some things and sit down with your kids and spend time with them. Good kids means they're going to make a lot of mistakes and they're not you, and you cannot live vicariously through your children. So you need people that understand and define good kids like you and that are demonstrating those qualities because whoever you're spending your time with, they are gonna be the ones that are helping you shape the thing that you say that you want and the trajectory of that future. Think about that.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:30

I'm going through that. I want good kids. I do. And so far, pretty good. And it's not because I've done amazing things, and it's not because I've had necessarily the bad people in my life. A lot of times, I've had great people in my life. I've just made bad decisions, bad choices. And I also didn't have the best examples growing up, but that's okay because I'm not gonna blame other people.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:13:55

But I am in control of what I do now, and I am looking more carefully about the people that are in my life. Do I admire the way they raise their children? And I'm not saying I want my kids to be like their kids. No. I want my kids to turn out good. What does that mean? What is the definition of good for me? And it's the same for me. What is it gonna do to change me? Because in order for my kids to be good, it's gonna require that I go through some things and adjust too. Because no matter how good I am, my kids need things from me that I may not have all the time, and they need qualities and skills that I may need to learn. They they're gonna also run up against obstacles.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:14:34

None of us are perfect. And I'm using kids as an example because that's a relationship I think most of us can understand if you have kids, if you have children. And it's so important for us to understand that our kids, typically, the things that drive us nuts about them, we love them and also it drives us nuts. Typically, the things that you're frustrated with is what you see in yourself or you know to be true in yourself. Same thing with any kind of relationship. When you're irritated by something in somebody, a lot of times, it's because it's challenging something in you. Think about that. So aligning relationships with your purpose, and we're not gonna take too much much, do too much longer on this or take too much time.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:17

So aligning relationships with your purpose, to live a life of purpose, you've got to surround yourself with a certain type of people, and that's what I wanna that's what I wanna kinda look at here. And what are the kind of people that you wanna align yourself with? So number 1, you want people that inspire you. These are the people who remind you of your why, your purpose, and encourage you to dream bigger. They encourage you to dream bigger, and they they remind you of your why. They don't just show up and and remind you because they're present. They show up, and they remind you. They bring you back to it. They encourage you, and that's what you're looking for.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:15:59

Most people that say they have close relationships, most of them can't say what the other person wants. What do they want their future to be? They just know they're comfortable, they're happy, and then that's enough. If that's the way you wanna live your life, great, but I believe we were built for more. There's more to us. There's so much more in us that brings our value and our worth. It calls to a deeper part of us to come out and to live and to blossom and to make impact into this world. And so that's why it's so important for who are the people around you, and do they do do they know your why? So you need people that inspire you, people who remind you of your why. So, yes, with their presence, but also encouraging you to dream bigger because they know your why.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:16:47

The second is they challenge you. Now I'm a challenger. There's a book, the 7 frequencies of communication by Erwin McManus. I recommend that you read it. In my Enneagram, I I test off the charge, charts on challenger. Challenger can get me in trouble. I'm not wired for everybody. I have to work really hard on moderating myself, and that's fine.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:08

That's my personality. It's how I adapt. It's called emotional intelligence. We all need to work on ours. They call it a soft skill. I believe it's life changing and game changing. When you understand emotional intelligence and you invest just just the slightest amount of time into it, it can make the biggest amount of difference in your life. So I wanna you want people that challenge you.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:30

1st one is to inspire you. 2nd, to challenge you, and they come with constructive feedback, but also accountability. They hold you accountable to the things that you say that you're gonna do when you say that you're gonna do them. They hold you accountable to your standards. They hold you accountable to your values. They can challenge you. Most people don't have those folks in their life. Maybe you argue with a friend, and you get mad, and you hang up, and you don't talk or something, or you walk away, or you don't hang out after a while when they get on your nerves.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:17:57

I want the people who create discomfort for me in my comfort. And I get that because in relationship, the best relationships have a level of discomfort when they challenge you because we are not built to be average. We're not built to blend in. We're not built to just do status quo. We are built to be extraordinary, I believe. The fact that you and I are alive, if you're listening to this, the possibilities of you coming to life and being a human being by the millions of possibilities is crazy ridiculous, and here you are. Here I am. There's something extraordinary about us.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:18:40

So we need people to inspire us and challenge us, to give us feedback, to hold us accountable. The third is support you. True connections offer encouragement without judgment. And even in your hardest moments, that's what they do. They encourage. They sit with you, and they don't just come with judgment. They're there with you in your hardest times. They don't bail on you and say, I hope you figure it out and go through it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:19:12

They don't look at your life when you're going through something hard and go, I bet you that sucks. They're not really the people that you need in your life, and if that is the way they view it. Those are people that can just come and go. Those can be people that live on the edges, on the outer circle. And if you're if they're you're in between people, you may wanna move them to the outer circle. If if these are people that, you know, you're you're trying to figure out, you know, the corners, like, what kind of a person is this? Is this a is this a, corner one person? Like, am I realizing that I have no connection, in the community? We we walk our community folks through this, and there was a person in the community that realized that someone that they thought they had no connection with actually is someone they have true connection with, and the person they thought they had true connection with was actually someone that they really have a bad connection with. So when you really take the time to evaluate it, you can find out what type of connection you have. And if you have one that's supportive, it offers encouragement in your hard times.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:20:15

And the reason I wanna point out it's in the hardest times because when it's easy, everything is easy. It's not hard to care and love people when life is good and life is easy. But here's what I tell you. I like it when life is hard, right, and life has challenges, and you still can love people. Because as a believer, that's what I know I'm called to, and that's a standard it's very hard sometimes to do. It's hard to do when you just know that there are people maybe against you. It's what you do, like, as myself, as a minority, when I know that people don't like me because of my my minority status. But instead of me walking around like that, instead, I've gotta know who I am and how I show up, and I can't fight their foolishness.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:21:08

But I need people in my life that when I'm going through a hard time, maybe someone is is mistreating me or doesn't like me or someone's eliminating me. Listen. My goal is to not be envious or jealous. My goal is to not blame people. My goal is not to sit there and wonder why over and over again. My goal is to become better at being human and to get better at being human, and I need people who will walk in my life, support me, offer me encouragement without judgment in my hardest moments. I want people that are gonna challenge me that are that that they I because they realize that growth is gonna come from that constructive feedback, that accountability, and that people are that are gonna inspire me. These are the people who will remind me of my why, and they're gonna push me to dream bigger.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:00

So I just did them in reverse order, but number 1, to align relationships with your purpose, you need people that inspire you. Number 2, people that challenge you. Number 3, people that support you. I want you to think about a coach or a mentor, someone that pushes you. It could be someone you met, someone you look up to, someone who's come into your life. It could be your significant other. It could be your partner. It could be your spouse.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:22:30

There are times that that I've had all those experiences as a mentor. I've had a coach. I've had my wife. I've had, I've had, friends. I've had my kids, my adult sons, you know, push me to step out of my comfort zone. Stop circling the wagons and disrupt that comfort so that you can have a different trajectory and grow. If you're trying to do something significant and extraordinary, you need to be asking God or whoever, however you believe for those type of people. Become that thing you wanna be so you attract those type of people to be in your life and walk with you in that direction.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:09

And that can inspire you, challenge you, support you. So once you've aligned your relationships with your purpose, the next step is to shift your focus from what you will gain into what you will give. Contribution. That's right. Contribution transforms relationships and magnifies your impact. Robert Ingersoll said this, we rise by lifting others. I want you to spend some time with it. Think about it.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:23:46

I hope you'll invest in it. I hope you won't just ignore what we're talking about. This is really simple. So here's some action steps. First, I want you to, number 1, evaluate your inner circle. Are your closest relationships aligned with your purpose? If not, what changes can you make to bring more alignment? Number 2, I wanna encourage you and challenge you to seek out mentors or accountability partners. Not yourself. You are your worst accountability partner, and you don't want get people you don't wanna have people around you that all they care about is how comfortable you are and if you're you know, do you what do you want? What's your heart tell you? No.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:24:31

People that challenge you and say, this is what you said you wanted to do, and it's your job to get your heart in alignment with those actions. You have to align your intentions with your impact. That's what you need. Find people who will challenge you to grow while supporting you in your journey. Right? And the third is identify opportunities to contribute. You can always look for ways, to give back within your relationships, whether it's offering support back to them, sharing knowledge, or simply being present. But I want you to open up to receive that, but I also want you to be able to give it and build on it and do it without holding back. No holds bar.

Tim Pecoraro [: 00:25:21

Love on people. Relationships are one of the most powerful tools we have to discover and live out our purpose with. And when we move from connection into contribution, we create life that's not only fulfilling, not only fulfilling for us, but it's gonna be impactful for others. So take time and and reflect on how your relationships are shaping you and how you can give back in meaningful ways. I wanna thank you so much for joining, and I hope you will take that time, look at those relationships, get better at being human, and build meaningful, lifelong true connections. So until next time, we'll talk soon.